Friday, March 6, 2009

A Stork Would Be So Much Easier!

A couple of weeks ago, my Adorable, Loving Husband (hereby known as ALH) and I got some disturbing news.

We’d been doing various fertility testing and one of these was a semen analysis. Yep, ALH had to make a deposit in a cup. Unpleasant as this might have been, he was a total trooper and everything came off with out a hitch, so to speak.

But when the results came back, we were diagnosed with teratozoospermia. Eh?! Huh? Just sounds like a silly little word, something I might name a dinosaur in an improvised bedtime story for my nieces and nephew.

But it means that ALH has some seriously wonky sperm abnormally shaped sperm. For you technical folks, his Kruger Strict Morphology is 2% and normal is 14% and above.

So… with a slightly damaged ego, ALH and I absorb this news along with the announcement from my OB that we “have only a teeny tiny chance of conceiving without help from IVF or other fertility treatments.”

Turns out, we have a 2% chance every month. A healthy couple has a 25% chance. (I swear this is higher since my girlfriends all got knocked up the very moment they so much as winked at their husbands) Obviously we don’t like these odds, so we made an appointment with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) at RMA of Texas.

For two weeks we ponder the reason behind the results… tight cowboy jeans? horseback riding? drinking? copenhagen? surely the army is to blame? We wonder if we will be making a baby in a petri dish. I’m not gunna lie, I think my inlaws almost passed out imagining me as the next OctoMom. (oh hell no!)

Finally, our appointment was this morning and we both really liked the RE. He starts running through my history and my test results and other than the miscarriage everything is “normal, normal, normal.” So he finally asks about a semen analysis and I start making jokes about ALH’s wonky abnormal sperm. (don’t worry, I would never do this if he wasn’t comfortable with it… but of course he is secure in his masculinity- adorable, loving husband that he is)

Well, the doc jumps to ALH’s defense and says that while the morphology may be low, the quantity of sperm is so high that it makes up for it a bit. That’s right, this highly educated doctor at the top of his field joined ALH in bragging about him having sperm up to his eyeballs. They might have beaten their chests like cavemen once or twice. So… my cowboy stud has PLENTY of swimmers, and they CAN swim, but most of them swim in circles and bump into vaginal walls. Doc says taking some vitamins might improve his morphology.

The doc then invades me for a vaginal ultrasound to take a look at my ovaries, tubes, and uterus. Since starting clomid this month, I had some really bad ovulation pain. And it is immediately clear why… I have ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. One ovary is big as a bus, my uterus is retaining water, and a few huge follicles are still hanging around despite being a few days past ovulation. This will go away and isn’t an issue… unless I need stim or trigger shots during procedures later… in which case they will have to watch me closely.

So with the gross invasion of our private bits medical history out of the way, we set our plan of action. Assuming I am not pregnant this month (wouldn’t that be a lovely blessing!), we will begin IUI with clomid at the end of March. This has about a 15% chance of working. If it fails, we will test ALH’s little guys again and see if his counts have improved. If not, then we go straight to IVF with ICSI. This has about a 68% success rate. I’ll explain more as necessary.

What it comes down to is this… I don't get to create a life by making sweet love and then lying in my sexy, adoring, loving husband's warm arms. No… ALH will have to perform in a cup and I’ll be bare-assed on a cold metal table with my big feet in the stir-ups. But… it will all be worth it when we hold Baby Lietz in our arms!

Join us on our journey...


Kristin Kneupper said...

What a wonderfully written post my dear! A testament, no doubt, to one helluva hubby! I am so excited see a plan in action and anxiously await the news of two pink lines. But really I recommend the digital kind... there's no doubt with them! Either way I can't wait!!!!

Thanks for taking us on your journey!
Mush love!

Jessica said...

Hey Chelsea! I just briefly read about you & Skip here and it's great to see that you're so optimistic about everything! Best of luck.

Can you send me an email at when you get a chance?

BeickerFamily said...

I love the way you write! I am so glad that you have a plan now I hope that it makes the waiting a little more bearable and a lot shorter!
Best of Luck!

The Trost's said...

I have been following your fertility story through Kristin Kneupper's blog. I wanted to wish you luck in your journey. I am glad I am pumping while reading this post because I am in private and no ones thinks I am nuts for laughing out loud - swimming in circles and bumping into walls.

Lauren Lea Warren said...

So ready, so soon,
Before you know it,
You'll be in full bloom!


a poem from me to you.

Love you!

Future Mama said...

Wow!! What a great blog I'm so glad to have met you! when did you start this?! I know you found my blog but we are about to start trying in a couple of months... I'm nervous and hoping everything goes ok! So glad to be reading your beautiful journey! I'm cheering for you!

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