We’d been doing various fertility testing and one of these was a semen analysis. Yep, ALH had to make a deposit in a cup. Unpleasant as this might have been, he was a total trooper and everything came off with out a hitch, so to speak.
But when the results came back, we were diagnosed with teratozoospermia. Eh?! Huh? Just sounds like a silly little word, something I might name a dinosaur in an improvised bedtime story for my nieces and nephew.
But it means that ALH has some
So… with a slightly damaged ego, ALH and I absorb this news along with the announcement from my OB that we “have only a teeny tiny chance of conceiving without help from IVF or other fertility treatments.”
Turns out, we have a 2% chance every month. A healthy couple has a 25% chance. (I swear this is higher since my girlfriends all got knocked up the very moment they so much as winked at their husbands) Obviously we don’t like these odds, so we made an appointment with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) at RMA of Texas.
For two weeks we ponder the reason behind the results… tight cowboy jeans? horseback riding? drinking? copenhagen? surely the army is to blame? We wonder if we will be making a baby in a petri dish. I’m not gunna lie, I think my inlaws almost passed out imagining me as the next OctoMom. (oh hell no!)
Finally, our appointment was this morning and we both really liked the RE. He starts running through my history and my test results and other than the miscarriage everything is “normal, normal, normal.” So he finally asks about a semen analysis and I start making jokes about ALH’s
Well, the doc jumps to ALH’s defense and says that while the morphology may be low, the quantity of sperm is so high that it makes up for it a bit. That’s right, this highly educated doctor at the top of his field joined ALH in bragging about him having sperm up to his eyeballs. They might have beaten their chests like cavemen once or twice. So… my cowboy stud has PLENTY of swimmers, and they CAN swim, but most of them swim in circles and bump into
The doc then invades me for a vaginal ultrasound to take a look at my ovaries, tubes, and uterus. Since starting clomid this month, I had some really bad ovulation pain. And it is immediately clear why… I have ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. One ovary is big as a bus, my uterus is retaining water, and a few huge follicles are still hanging around despite being a few days past ovulation. This will go away and isn’t an issue… unless I need stim or trigger shots during procedures later… in which case they will have to watch me closely.
So with the
What it comes down to is this… I don't get to create a life by making sweet love and then lying in my sexy, adoring, loving husband's warm arms. No… ALH will have to perform in a cup and I’ll be bare-assed on a cold metal table with my
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