Thursday, October 8, 2009

Nobody Told Me...

When TTC, we got loads of unsolicited “assvice.”

Now that we are pregnant, everyone has an opinion.

They have to tell their story, add their 2 cents, and make sure you know that their way is the only way.

I roll my eyes everytime I hear the words "Just wait until {such and such happens}."

I'm well educated, I've attended a birth, I read all 8 of my pregnancy books, I'm an aunt, I've been through it with my friends, and I'm taking a childbirth class. I know nothing compares to going through it yourself, but I know most everything they tell me.

Yet I’ve gotten loads of stories, advice, and warnings. Even strangers feel free to share their word vomit.

But there are some things that haven’t been mentioned.

Nobody bothered to tell me…

* That maternity clothes would feel like pajamas and would make me want to wear them indefinitely

* That I might briefly forget I was pregnant and be reminded by the alien squirming in my belly

* That my dreams would be so…. er, Interesting, let’s say.

* That a sneeze could make me "piddle" before my daughter even weighed a pound.

* That I could grow a three inch errant hair on my shoulder. {which I promptly screamed at Skip to pluck. Ewwww!}

* That in a rush to relieve my bladder at a restaurant I might accidently go into the men’s restroom, see the urinals and realize what I’d done, and then still consider staying since I’d get to pee faster.

And a couple of noteworthy things I learned from my books…

* The blood rushes in and out of the umbilical cord so fast that the cord feels firm and powerful, like a fireman’s hose. {shame on you} That’s why tangles, knots, wraps, etc. are so rare (until the complications of passing through the birth canal)

* 2 weeks ago our daughter’s hymen was formed. (which creeped Skip out completely) A baby girl’s hymen is almost always broken during the birth process. So much for the only proof of virginity being an intact hymen.

What else don't I know?


3 dogs and a baby said...

That's funny, I also completely tuned out when people gave me advice! This is the first year that we've ever had a problem with rattlesnakes, and we didn't hear about the vaccine until it was too late! This bite wasn't so bad because it was Sadie's second of the season, so the first acted as a type of vaccine. We're definitely going to get the vaccine next spring!
I hope everything continues to go so well during your pregnancy...enjoy!!

Jenn said...

**After Kherington arrives, a sneeze will probably still make you piddle, if not full on drench yourself with urine. It happens. I swear.
**When Kherington gets here and you look at her for the very first time, you'll think that you can never love another..anything (child, pet, etc.) as much as you love her. I can't say that you CAN love another anything because I'm too afraid to have another baby because of this reason :D
**It IS totally acceptable to continue to wear maternity clothes after you give birth. Well, I did anyway. My daughter is almost 3 and I still have two pair of maternity items that I wear. Don't tell anyone...
There you go. There's some assvice for you to chew on for a few minutes :)

Also...You and I have met before, but you may not remember. You and Skip were at Phillip's birthday party in February...

Mel Bowman said...

I believe most people who give advice mean well, even if it doesn't come out that way.

I wish I had watched "The Business of Being Born" before my due date.

I also didn't know that baby girls can have what looks like a period due to mom's hormones until I changed my niece's diaper and freaked out. I was 12.

I can think of lots of other things that I didn't know until I experienced them with my child, but they are all boy-related things and thus not particularly helpful to you.

Mel Bowman said...

Oh! I also have a funny story to share. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time, talking to our MIL about breastfeeding. We were wondering how the milk comes out (like a shower head) and our FIL was sitting in the same room trying to ignore us. After hearing "shower head" be could bare no more and ran out of the room. Poor guy!

Jessica said...

I can't say that I've been there and done that for the same reasons, but I sure know what you mean. At least you can just sit back and roll your eyes over it though, right?!

How was WTWD tonight?

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