Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Siblings

{Photo Circa 1999}



My brother and I are 4.5 years apart, to the day.

{my sister and I are 12 years apart, so most of my childhood memories don't involve her living at home}

I enjoyed being that much younger than him. We each had our own separate lives. Our own school, our own friends, our own activities. {except for when I dated his friends... which he did not much like}

The point is, I wasn't getting hand-me-downs that he'd just finished with and I wasn't living in his shadow. Some people knew me as "Landon's little sister," but I felt like I got to have my own identity and live my own life.

We fought like any siblings do, but I think the space between us meant that we were less interested in annoying each other.

Sibling spacing has been on my mind.

My plan was to have my own children about 3.5 years apart. {Though I should know better than to think I can "schedule" my pregnancies that easily}

I wanted them to have their own lives.

I wanted the older child to get to be a baby before we forced her to be a big sister.

I wanted the eldest out of diapers before a new baby came.

I wanted the big sister to grasp the concept of a new baby in the house and be a little more joyful than jealous.

A little more helpful than infantile. {though I would never expect one child to raise another}

I wanted each child to get the attention they deserve.

But since Kherington's birth, this little plan in my head has slipped from 3.5 years apart, to 2.5 years.

I've been considering the pros of children close together.

Perhaps a close sibling has a tighter bond?

They can play together.

They can go to the same school. (which makes things easier on Mom, and starts out as a good thing for kids, but likely becomes annoying later)

I think I want three children. {not husband-approved yet} And if they are 3.5 years apart, that would make me 35 or 36 if I had a third. And while that isn't too old by today's standards, I like being a young mom.

I want a young, tight-knit family that travels together as mine did/does. Close siblings would have more in common and be interested in visiting the same type of things.

Close siblings could share baby gear, clothes, toys, vehicles, etc.

Or maybe I just miss being pregnant.

Probably.

But I'm curious about your thoughts.

What do you think about sibling spacing?

Please tell me about your childhood, your children, your future family plans, or just your opinions...

9 comments:

Jenni said...

Clearly since I'm about to pop #2 in 19 months that I'm for the close in age thing. My sister and I were 3+ years apart and never liked each other till we didn't live together any longer. I'm hoping Matt & Luke will be BFFs all their lives!

Lauren Lea Warren said...

Angie and I (27 months apart) fought like cats and dogs when we were younger, but were also very playful and close at times. After high school, we began to move closer towards best friends, and now I wouldn't trade our age difference for anything. She is who I go to for everything, after Jay that is. It was tough on both of us at times, and definitely my parents; but ultimately I thank my parents so much for having us so close together. We went through similar stages right after another when we were younger, but also now as adults we are in similar stages of life too and that is so enjoyable, for both me and Angie and my parents.

Maria Claudia said...

I'm 9 years older and 17 years older than my sisters. I'm very close to my sister who is 9 years younger, but playing mom for my sister who is 17 years younger! Jaden is 5 1/2 years older than Kendal. I think their age difference is great so far! Jaden takes care of Kendal so much, and is very protective of her. I look forward to being able to give each of them the attention each stage deserves. Only one in High School at a time, but most important, only ONE in college --- well, hopefully!

Casey J said...

Love the old pic of you and Landon! Cute. There are 4 of us girls..all about 2.5 years apart from the next. I think growing up, we were all very close. We did everything together and rarely branched out. We had all the entertainment, friends, fights, and drama that we could ask for. We also learned many valuable lessons that I feel other people missed out on. How to share, how to be a roomate, how to work as a team, and how to be a competitor. I also think it was easier on my parents. We never had the excuse of being bored. And, when the older sister turned 16, it meant less back and forth for them. Now that we are grown, we all have gone our own ways and have made our own lives. We probably aren't as close as we used to be but we are off creating our own identities. I wouldn't change anything about it.

Rosalie and David said...

speaking for me and my sister, 17 months apart, i would say that it was too close more often than not. although it was fun to have clothes to share, most of the time we didn't want to share with eachother anyway. we love and cherish our relationship now, and i imagine we would be best friends if we lived closer and were more involved in eachother's lives, but growing up, i remember more fighting than loving. on the other hand, my kids, are 2 yrs 4 month and 2 yrs 8 months and it seems to be working. old enough to have some feeling of older sibling, but close enough to still have fun together. and yes, share all the baby gear and be able to all be happy playing in the same place. anyway those are my thoughts take them or leave them, but i have to admit i was ready for you to say you are preggers at the end of that post!!

KrisKay said...

Stop with one! Who would want to have more than one kid? They're just a pain in the butt anyway.

Ha! Kidding of course. Well I see pros and cons of both scenarios. Kayson and Kylar are 8.5 years apart and so far it's been great. Koup and Kylar are 23 months apart and as far as I can tell, they'll be best buds growing up. Of course they'll fight, but they'll also always have someone to play with. They almost wear the same size clothes right now... but I'm sure that will change.

Both of my brothers were 4+ years older. We fought a LOT as kids, but also had many good times. We did enjoy ganging up on the parental units from time to time too. I think that they helped make me a good athlete, since they didn't take it easy on me!

Whatever God's plan for you turns out to be it will be perfect. Whether it be 2.5 years or 10! It's easy when you're a fabulous mama!

(Oh, and 35 is still young, punk!)

Brooke said...

Brodie and I are 2 years and 5 days apart. We fought like cats and dogs, but NOW we don't fight at all and we are friends with the same people. Our groups started to intertwine after highschool was over and now it seems we share a lot of friends. Wouldn't change it for the world. Plus, It felt nice to have a sibling at school. When I got to middle school or high school, I didn't feel so intimidated because even though we fought, I knew that he would be there for me if I REALLY needed him.
LOVE YOU!!!

Bobbie said...

You and I are SO on the same wavelength right now:) I have been struggling with this for months. I've always wanted mine close together, and I'll give you my reasons. Most are selfish on my part! (1.) I want the "hard part" over with as quickly as possible...the diapers, sleepless nights, a million pieces of baby gear, etc. (2.) I want to do the "baby damage" to my body while I'm still as young as possible, so that I can still get back into shape quickly! (3.) Because I was an only child until 14, I want them to grow up with siblings close in age. (4.) I want them in schools at the same time. Yes, easier on me, but then they also have an "accountability partner" and "protector".

Ainsley and the boys are exactly 24 months apart. Obviously the twins will have a special relationship, but I can already see that Ainsley does with them as well. She has NEVER been jealous, is a fantastic "mother hen", and loves to play with them. Their age gap has been perfect for us!

Like Kristin said, whatever happens will be perfect for your family. I think so much of it depends not only on the age gap and gender, but the individual personalities of the children and how the parents raise them. I know for me, I want all 4 close in age, but just as much want them to have their own identities and lives.

The Trost's said...

My own daughters are 22 months apart and I LOVE it! It was a little difficult in the beginning, but now I wouldn't do it any differently if I were to have planned it! They fight, but even at age 2 and 4 they can make you cry for the love and caring they show for each other.

My sister, and only sibling, are 14 months apart. Yea, my mom was crazy - but I wasn't exactly planned that soon either! We fought growing up, but by the time we got to high school we were closer and grew even closer throughout college. We don't live close, but talk daily and love our time together when we visit one another.

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